Has your relationship gone from honeymoon to hopeless?

23 Oct 2017

BY: Mel

Couple Counselling

Exploring your relationship through a sub-conscious lens can provide the deepest understanding of your behaviors and guide you back to a place even better than before.

For many couples struggling to even be in the same room together, it can be difficult to imagine a light at the end of the tunnel. For some, issues revolve around the loss of a loved one, traumatic events that occurred during the relationship (or before), infidelity, and other big scary events. For others, it may be ideology, different life goals, and simply growing apart. Regardless of the reason, there is a way to move forward beyond these incredibly difficult moments and on to happier, healthier times.

The first step is to understand who you are and how you intrinsically function as an individual.  For me, this means understanding the energy fields surrounding your body – which are accessed through your sub-conscious mind – and determining which energy fields dominate in two very specific areas of your being.  Just as most people tend to be left or right hand dominant, most people are also dominant in a specific energy field.  Understanding this and to what extent your dominant and sub-dominant energy fields engage in different scenarios is the key to understanding how your mind processes information, how you best receive communication, and what drives your behavior.

Let’s take for example a couple whom we will name Pat and Morgan.  Pat and Morgan have been married for two years and are considering divorce. They both work stressful jobs and feel that they have grown apart to the point that they don’t even know the other person.  After arriving home from work, Pat prefers to have some alone time and watch a little T.V. to decompress.  Morgan, however, wants to immediately engage in conversation and talk about their days.  When Morgan approaches Pat, the two of them end up arguing because Pat feels suffocated, and Morgan feels ignored.

When this particular couple came in for an evaluation, we had discovered that Pat was dominant in what we call the “Emotional” energy field while Morgan was dominant in the “Physical” energy field. For this specific scenario, it was as simple as offering the following advice:

After arriving home, Pat should immediately engage with Morgan just for a minute… just long enough to acknowledge Morgan’s existence with maybe a hug or a kiss and a one sentence explanation that a little down-time was needed… maybe an hour or.  Morgan, in turn, was instructed to give Pat that alone time as well as physical space separation (in other words, don’t hang out in the same room hovering), ignoring any urges to follow up to see if Pat was ready for company yet.

Realize, this is a very simplified explanation of a single repetitive event.  Having said that, it took only a couple nights of this exercise for Pat to begin approaching Morgan more often for conversation and other activities, thus giving Morgan the needed attention.  This was the beginning of their journey back from hopeless to honeymoon.

Why did this work?  After all, this advice certainly wouldn’t work with all couples.  Simply put, individuals who are dominant in their Physical energy fields experience life differently than individuals who are dominant in their Emotional energy fields.  As a physical dominant, Morgan’s self-image is directly tied to the state of their relationships.  This is an intrinsic part of Morgan’s personality and does not change.  There’s nothing wrong with Morgan.  They just need to have an understanding of this and how to honor it so that it remains a healthy part of their personality.

Pat, on the other hand, functions better in life if given the opportunity to think and process through events of the day.  This is, again, because Pat is an Emotional dominant.  Without ample opportunity to do this, Pat is, on a sub-conscious level, unable to fully engage with other aspects of life, such as relationships.  Again, nothing wrong with this.  It just needs to be understood on a deeper level to ensure that it doesn’t become an unhealthy contributor to any relationship.

So, how do you know which energy field you are dominant in?  Well, I would need to actually evaluate you to make that determination.  In this evaluation, we determine your energy field dominance in two different areas.

The first evaluation reveals your Natural Energy Intelligence (NEI).  This reveals to us how your mind processes information, memory, communication, what types of verbal and body language you are sub-consciously resistant to and what you are accepting of.  Your Natural Energy Expression (NEE) indicates your sub-conscious motivation and drive behind your interpersonal behavior.  The information from NEE is what gave us the most appropriate course of action in Pat and Morgan’s example.  Having said that, there are a few indicators that may show you whether you are leaning towards one dominance or another.

You might be an Emotional Dominant NEE if:

  • You need to have as much “me time” as you need time with your significant other.
  • You don’t make large ticket purchases without a considerable amount to think about it.
  • You only have so much of yourself to give when friends need to vent about their problems.


You might be Physical Dominant NEE if:

  • You get through hard times best if constantly surrounded by lots of friends or family.
  • You have a strong need to know “where you stand” in a relationship.
  • You feel your emotions very strongly in your physical body.

About 90% of the population fall in the category of Physical or Emotional dominant.  However, 10% of the population fall outside of that scope.  To make things even more fun, some Physical dominants present as Emotional dominants and vice versa – based on past or current life events.  For example, an Emotional dominant individual may behave as a Physical dominant in a job because of the nature of that job.

If you’re interested in finding out exactly where on the energy spectrum you fall, book a phone evaluation with me.  I’ll even give you a $75 credit towards the evaluation just for reading this article. Just make sure you mention the article when you book the appointment!

Thanks for reading and don’t hesitate to contact me to engage in additional conversation about the sub-conscious and your energy fields!


Mel LLeras, C.Ht.